“Kids please pick up your toys before bed”, you say in a soft tone. Then you repeat it, two, three and four times with no movement what so ever. Then with anger igniting within you, “KIDS I SAID PICK UP YOUR TOYS NOW”!
Can you relate to this scenario? Why wont they just listen to me the first time so I don’t have to yell, again? Truth is, you don’t have to yell. Here you will learn how to get your kids to listen without yelling.
Let’s face it, were human! We can’t be super moms all the time!
Do you often find yourself resorting to yelling to get your child to listen? I know I’ve been there! It’s more common then you might think and for a lot of moms, myself included, had no idea that what we are actually doing is causing more damage and ultimately solving nothing. Here’s an article on why you should stop yelling at your kids, it goes over the long term affects of constant yelling.
How to get your child to listen without yelling
1. Give them only ONE warning, every time.
This is the most important tip because if they think there is any small chance of getting what they want, they will try for it. Consistency is key to making this work, that way they know there is no question “maybe this time she will cave”
2. Be very specific
Bentley is playing with his toys but its time for bed. You say “Bentley, pick up your toys before bed please” Bentley doesn’t move and your getting frustrated and ask “why haven’t you picked your toys up yet?” Bentley replies “you didn’t say now was bedtime”.
Kids are very clever and know how to find a loop hole so be as specific as possible.
In this scenario mom should have said “Bentley its bedtime, pick up your toys please”. That way there is no question of when he should pick up his toys.
3. Follow through
When you are giving your kid a warning, its important to follow through. That means for instance, your threatening to take their toys away if they don’t clean their room. They fail to listen to you and clean it, then you MUST take the toys away. If they think for even a second you won’t follow through with the punishment, they wont listen.
4. Establish clear rules
Make a list of rules and post them somewhere your kids can see them. That way if they are looking for a loop hole and say, “you never said we had to do that” or I didn’t know we couldn’t do that”, there will be no question of whether they were aware or not.
5. Provide positive reinforcement
You will be amazed at how much praise can affect your child. Something as simple as “thank you for picking up your toys when I asked” can go along way. I mean if you think about it, how do you feel when you are being praised for good behavior? Doesn’t it make you want to keep up the good work?
6. Ask questions
If you ask your kids questions about what you want them to do, they will feel more involved and more inclined to do what your asking. Think of these two scenarios.
You ask ” Why is your room still a mess?” your child gets defensive and says “I don’t know”. There is zero cooperation, instead ask “what do you still need to do to get your room clean?”. The first question is more of an accusation creating him to put up a defense, while the second question is more of a what can I do to help question, where you will get a better response out of him.
I’ll be the first to admit it takes a lot of work to stop yelling at your kids, especially if its become such a habit. But the results will be well worth it when you stop, and you can stop. Once your child starts listening, life will be just a little bit easier for you!
It’s so important that you stick with these tips to get your child to listen without yelling! Yelling has so many negative affects, together we can raise our kids to develop into the healthy adults they deserve to be.
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